Butt-plugged Fanboys...
I'm tired. So very, very tired.
Partially, it's due to the fact I didn't sleep last night. It's very muggy in London at the moment, and I spent the night tossing and turning in the sort of humidity that would put Dagobah to shame. But I was also kept awake by an anger of such intensity that I kept running over things in my mind, begging to go online to Facebook and reply to far too many messages, with far too many swear words than would be healthy for a platform I share with my mum.
Somewhere around 04.27, I realised something. I realised why I was tired. And it had nothing to do with finding the cool side of the pillow.
I'm tired of Star Wars.
More correctly, I'm tired of Star Wars fandom.
It's no secret that The Last Jedi has, shall we say, divided the fanbase. There's no denying it was a Marmite movie. But love it or hate it, it was Star Wars.
I'm not going to delve into the intricacies of the arguments here, I've done that before. Suffice it to say, if you didn't live through the prequel years (or if you think that Attack of the Clones wasn't too bad actually) then you can't call yourself a Star Wars fan. But feel free to call yourself a "fanboy" with all the negative perceptions that come with the tag. Because I hate you with a passion.
But back to last night... a couple of Comic Con exclusives appeared online in the late evening UK time.
The BBC has obviously learned its lesson from the 2013 fiasco and put the first proper teaser trailer for Jodie Whittaker's Doctor immediately online, thus avoiding the (frankly fair) accusations of putting American fans before us Brits.
And, in a genuine surprise, a trailer for a continuation (of some form) for the unjustly cancelled Star Wars: The Clone Wars animation. That the show was abruptly snuffed out with at least a season's worth of excellent storylines has always grated a little. The "Lost Missions" sixth season helped a bit, but certain story arcs were left tantalisingly unfinished; yes, a couple carried through to Rebels; but now it looks like at least some of them may be completed properly.
Genuinely unexpected and exciting stuff...
And then, against all better judgement and logic, I scanned a couple of comments.
What. The. Actual...?
The best news about the Star Wars franchise in years, certainly since the announcement of Episode VII, and all these c..., er, people can do is once again badmouth one film in an entire franchise. The same franchise that, let's not forget, also gave us Caravan of Courage, Droids, Ewoks, Jar Jar Bloody Binks and Attack of the Fucking Clones... and that was all before you shower of snowflakes were even born!
Get over yourselves! You sad, insignificant, johnny-come-lately, bunch of complete and utter...
And breathe. There's a reason I take propranolol...
I've had enough. I'm tired of feeling the need to explain myself (and the entire franchise) to a load of homophobic, misogynistic, racist, butthurt fanboys who plainly no longer care about the real saga and who shot first.
I feel quite bitter about this, as you probably gathered, but it's just so exhausting. Seeing something I loved denigrated and soiled by these so-called fans. Anyone who has been a Doctor Who fan recognises this. If you see a really bad (in your opinion) episode most people just shrug it off the way you would a bad day at work and wait for the next one. But no. Anything less than a 10/10 episode and they're there... criticising the minutest detail and vowing to never watch again.
Except of course they do. What would they do with their Saturday nights if they weren't there online, on the forums and social media, pointing out to anyone stupid enough to read them just what it is that's wrong with their favourite(sic) television show. Why? Why? Why keep watching a show you obviously hate and are plainly not a fan of?
There's a real masochism in fandom. Every time there's a regeneration, or a new companion or a new twist on a classic villain or a classic twist on a new villain, you can begin to sense the collective disquiet online, as a thousand "fans" look out their butt-plugs and gimp masks and wait to hear what their aged failed disco producer leader has to say about things. God knows what would happen if the Doctor changed gender...
And I'm sick of it. Bye bye Star Wars. It was fun. but I'm off. No more racing to see the trailers online. I'm not going to add to my hypertensive woes by reading YouTube comments. No more midnight showings. I'm going to see the movies as I do the MCU... days or weeks after release and maybe even wait till I can see them on Sky. No more Celebration Europe. I'll get my overpriced plastic moulded figurines and books on Amazon and eBay.
It'll take some strength. Stopping fan stuff on Facebook will be first. Then Instagram. I think unfollowing Mark Hamill and Chuck Wendig on Twitter will be hardest. But I'll get there. It may take months before I'm finally free, but I really don't want to be aware of these cretins' existence for any longer than I have to, never mind the effect they're having on something I truly loved.
And maybe I can breathe again. Hope again. Love again...
So I'll see you all at midnight on the 14th December 2019 then...?
Partially, it's due to the fact I didn't sleep last night. It's very muggy in London at the moment, and I spent the night tossing and turning in the sort of humidity that would put Dagobah to shame. But I was also kept awake by an anger of such intensity that I kept running over things in my mind, begging to go online to Facebook and reply to far too many messages, with far too many swear words than would be healthy for a platform I share with my mum.
Somewhere around 04.27, I realised something. I realised why I was tired. And it had nothing to do with finding the cool side of the pillow.
I'm tired of Star Wars.
More correctly, I'm tired of Star Wars fandom.
It's no secret that The Last Jedi has, shall we say, divided the fanbase. There's no denying it was a Marmite movie. But love it or hate it, it was Star Wars.
I'm not going to delve into the intricacies of the arguments here, I've done that before. Suffice it to say, if you didn't live through the prequel years (or if you think that Attack of the Clones wasn't too bad actually) then you can't call yourself a Star Wars fan. But feel free to call yourself a "fanboy" with all the negative perceptions that come with the tag. Because I hate you with a passion.
But back to last night... a couple of Comic Con exclusives appeared online in the late evening UK time.
The BBC has obviously learned its lesson from the 2013 fiasco and put the first proper teaser trailer for Jodie Whittaker's Doctor immediately online, thus avoiding the (frankly fair) accusations of putting American fans before us Brits.
And, in a genuine surprise, a trailer for a continuation (of some form) for the unjustly cancelled Star Wars: The Clone Wars animation. That the show was abruptly snuffed out with at least a season's worth of excellent storylines has always grated a little. The "Lost Missions" sixth season helped a bit, but certain story arcs were left tantalisingly unfinished; yes, a couple carried through to Rebels; but now it looks like at least some of them may be completed properly.
Genuinely unexpected and exciting stuff...
And then, against all better judgement and logic, I scanned a couple of comments.
- "At last, a return to real Star Wars..."
- "Give Dave Filoni complete control of the franchise..."
(Actually, that one I could probably get behind...)
- "The Last Jedi ruined Star Wars..."
- "Rian Johnson ruined Star Wars..."
- "Disney ruined Star Wars..."
- "Kelly Marie Tran ruined Star Wars..."
What. The. Actual...?
The best news about the Star Wars franchise in years, certainly since the announcement of Episode VII, and all these c..., er, people can do is once again badmouth one film in an entire franchise. The same franchise that, let's not forget, also gave us Caravan of Courage, Droids, Ewoks, Jar Jar Bloody Binks and Attack of the Fucking Clones... and that was all before you shower of snowflakes were even born!
Get over yourselves! You sad, insignificant, johnny-come-lately, bunch of complete and utter...
And breathe. There's a reason I take propranolol...
I've had enough. I'm tired of feeling the need to explain myself (and the entire franchise) to a load of homophobic, misogynistic, racist, butthurt fanboys who plainly no longer care about the real saga and who shot first.
I feel quite bitter about this, as you probably gathered, but it's just so exhausting. Seeing something I loved denigrated and soiled by these so-called fans. Anyone who has been a Doctor Who fan recognises this. If you see a really bad (in your opinion) episode most people just shrug it off the way you would a bad day at work and wait for the next one. But no. Anything less than a 10/10 episode and they're there... criticising the minutest detail and vowing to never watch again.
Except of course they do. What would they do with their Saturday nights if they weren't there online, on the forums and social media, pointing out to anyone stupid enough to read them just what it is that's wrong with their favourite(sic) television show. Why? Why? Why keep watching a show you obviously hate and are plainly not a fan of?
There's a real masochism in fandom. Every time there's a regeneration, or a new companion or a new twist on a classic villain or a classic twist on a new villain, you can begin to sense the collective disquiet online, as a thousand "fans" look out their butt-plugs and gimp masks and wait to hear what their aged failed disco producer leader has to say about things. God knows what would happen if the Doctor changed gender...
And I'm sick of it. Bye bye Star Wars. It was fun. but I'm off. No more racing to see the trailers online. I'm not going to add to my hypertensive woes by reading YouTube comments. No more midnight showings. I'm going to see the movies as I do the MCU... days or weeks after release and maybe even wait till I can see them on Sky. No more Celebration Europe. I'll get my overpriced plastic moulded figurines and books on Amazon and eBay.
It'll take some strength. Stopping fan stuff on Facebook will be first. Then Instagram. I think unfollowing Mark Hamill and Chuck Wendig on Twitter will be hardest. But I'll get there. It may take months before I'm finally free, but I really don't want to be aware of these cretins' existence for any longer than I have to, never mind the effect they're having on something I truly loved.
And maybe I can breathe again. Hope again. Love again...
So I'll see you all at midnight on the 14th December 2019 then...?
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